Security in the Midst of Change

Its a mixed up muddled up shook up world

2008-08-17T23:31:32-06:00

I've changed a lot since I went to college. In some ways, for the better. In some ways....not so much. I feel like I've become more skeptical of everyone and at the same time become more honest with what I really think about people. Is it necessarily a good thing? I don't know. I've often wondered that. There's such a fine line between bearing false witness and....well, bearing false witness. Is it better to be honest and let people know what you really think of them or to just tell them that - yeah, sure, you're fine, I don't actually hate your guts. (But maybe that's too dramatic...)

People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

But isn't it easy to? I've come to the point in my life where professionalism has got to kick in at some point, and yet I don't feel like professionalism and the office politics I'll soon be engaging jive with my personality. I'm not a conversationalist. I don't like to tone it down. It either is or it isn't. It's not in between. It's not almost. In some situations, I do. In others . . .

As someone who strives for consistency, balance, and "norms," I find it incredibly difficult to actually achieve these things. No matter how much I want to will it into existence, there isn't always a clear black and white. In my mind, maybe there is. But in yours? What if you're black and I'm white? Granted, I'm still stuck on earth, and it doesn't look like death is in the 5 year plan (so far, obit. probably in the paper tomorrow - struck down by lightning).

I don't know where to fall. Obviously, I'm not perfect. And lately my human nature seems to be particularly strong in thinking that if not perfect, then pretty darn close. But...oh, wait, that's wrong, too. Even when the answer is staring you in the face, sometimes it's hard to come to terms with, no? This guy died for me some 2,000 odd years ago and it's free...and it's...everything.

Why is it so hard?

Lord, have mercy.

Grace is Funny Like That

2008-07-05T15:26:01-06:00

A couple years ago I went to a conference where I heard a great pastor tell me that God doesn't give you all the answers in life and that no matter where you go, He'll use the gifts and talents that He's given you for the good of those called according to His purpose. (I wonder who that was.......maybe a certain Borghardt we have running around here.) Those words and that approach to life has often brought me great comfort despite everything.

God's Law is good. It shows us that we need a Savior. It is a gift of God. But the Law doesn't say "Anna, you will be a surgeon" or "John, you will be a supervisor." It isn't designed for that purpose. God leaves that up to us. And while that is incredibly freeing, it's also incredibly difficult to come to terms with. What if I choose the wrong profession? What if I choose something that will make me miserable? As long as I choose something that will not hurt or harm my neighbor or cause him to stumble, then I can work wherever I please. God's given me certain talents and abilities. For me that's the ability to look at a two dimensional surface and organize it to make it efficient and beautiful. I'm good at organizing and communicating. If I can utilize that, great!

But that doesn't necessarily mean that hard decisions won't come up. Like:

Do I stay in the US and pay off my student loans after college or go straight into aid work?
What happens if I decide to settle down?
Should I volunteer from home?
What organizations should I attempt to become involved in and where will that lead me?

The list could be 20 pages long.

And that's where I rely on God's grace. Not only does it save me from my sins, but it gives me the freedom to make tough decisions with the promise that He will always be there watching out for me.

Popularity Contest

2008-06-28T20:38:19-06:00

I don't like to discuss politics too often on this blog. Every once in a while, though, I get frustrated and have to talk about it.

I don't much care for Bush. I don't think he's done that good of a job during his second term and some of the policy decisions that he has made have been just downright crappy. I'm not anti-Republican, though, nor am I anti-democrat. I tend to think of myself as more of an independent libertarian.

I don't like McCain and Obama scares the h-e-double-hockey-sticks out of me. Obama is one of the most liberal senators in the country if not the most liberal. He's pro-abolishment of partial birth abortion bans, because pulling a baby's head out of it's mother and then stabbing it in the neck with scissors isn't murder, apparently. He's pro-supporting overseas agencies that promote abortion. He's pro-legislation that would make it legal for abortion clinics to give abortions to underage girls without parental consent if they cross state lines. He's for raising taxes, because they aren't high enough already. He's anti-drilling for oil off-shore and in ANWR. I honestly would say that if I had to pick between Obama and Hillary, I would've picked Hillary.

But this isn't an election about policy. This is a popularity contest. Who's the better looking candidate? Who has more charisma? Who has more money? Who gives better speeches? Who debates better? Who has the best smile? The answer to these questions is, of course, Obama. If you stand McCain and Obama next to eachother you see a charismatic young senator on one side and you see an old dog with a droopy eyelid on the other.

It's sad to me that most people my age, or any age for that matter, are going to vote without actually reading up on the political and moral views of each candidate. I beg you that before you vote, look up what each candidate believes and supports. And *please* don't vote for someone just because they've got great charisma. Even the devil has charisma.

Battling Rosacea

2008-06-28T20:24:44-06:00

So, over the past two years, the skin on my face has gotten more and more red as time has gone on and my complexion has gotten cruddier and cruddier looking. I never really had facial acne all through highschool and even now, I don't really have any. But the fact that I look pathetically sunburned constantly isn't good.

I'm going to war here.

This is definitely not the worst physical ailment I have. Next to celiac's and the fact that my left knee is permanently screwed up because of something stupid I did while using a press at the library back in September, it isn't that big of a deal. But is it annoying to look in the mirror every day and despite taking good care of your skin, you see a lobster.

I went to Walgreen's and bought almost every over the counter thing they have for rosacea. L-lysine amino acids, Eucerin, prosacea, cetaphil, the works. We're going to try it. And if anyone else has any advice on how to deal with skin irritation, please fill me in.

Project Vote Smart

2008-06-22T17:33:24-06:00

I know I'm not voting for Obama because of his stance on abortion and physician assistant suicide, regardless of his charisma or how much hope he has for America. (This article was originally posted on Jane Casey's blog and I stole it, so go read this.) But, I found this nifty site where you can look up policies and whether or not the candidate voted for it or against it.

Go to Project Vote Smart

If you're not an informed voter, please don't vote.

Thoughts about College

2008-06-22T17:14:14-06:00

I recently read Does College = Losing Your Faith and being that I'm in college it really got me to thinking about college and life in general and how it has affected my faith life.

I attend Concordia University Nebraska. I'll be a junior in the fall. And after two full years of being there I honestly wonder what on earth I'm doing there and why I ever went there to begin with. Right now, it feels like I've wasted the last two years of my life away in the middle of a corn field not learning or absorbing anything from the classes that are supposed to teach me about "real world" events and how to deal with reality on a day-to-day basis.

Going to college is not easy. College is for those that have drive and have a goal, even if the only goal that they have is to just finish so they can get on with life. I'll admit that I'm one of those people. I don't know where I'll be when I'm done with school or what I'll be doing. I'll have a degree that won't guarantee me anything other than a miserable entry-level job if I choose to accept that.

I've learned a lot about art and the hands on processes behind design. I know how to use a woodshop. I know how to fix a lot of things. I've gotten a lot of pracitcal experience. But when it comes right down to it I've gotten to the point where I feel like I've been repeating the exact same thing over and over again for the last two years. I feel as though it's too late for a change, because if I changed now I would at the very least have another 3 years left to complete, if not longer, because I only have half of my gen eds completed.

The spiritual life on my campus is crap. I honestly have had a very difficult time surrounding myself with like-minded people in any sense of the word and in some ways I think that it has led me to become somewhat more accepting. In some ways it has made me very bitter.

And yet no matter how many times I go over it in my mind, it all comes down to this:

My vocation right now is to be a student in Nebraska for whatever reason God has put me there.

That's it.

It's hard sometimes to cling to the fact that God knows what He's doing. Hindsight is 20/20, but when you're walking through the forest and you don't know where you are, it's hard to put trust in something that you can't actually see. My faith isn't perfect and it's been challenged in ways I hadn't even imagined at Concordia. It's definitely shown me that simply saying the words over and over again don't make a difference and that actions really do speak louder than words, in both myself and others that I have seen.

But throughout all of college it's nice to know that when I stumble, I don't have to stagger to my feet by myself. God's there to pick me back up again, dust me off, and set me back down only to repeat the process every time I take a step. It also helps to know that because He has forgiven me, I can fully forgive others.

Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Coach

2008-06-18T19:16:51-06:00

So I spent a wonderful day with Luvable Lutheran today in Minneapolis at the Mall of America and at her apartment helping her clean and pack for her move to Chicago. While we were at the mall, we went into the Coach store where a woman who obviously worked there was standing.

Now, I don't usually dress up to go to a mall. I was wearing jeans and some keds with an average Anna-worn shirt. Apparently, this was not classy enough to be worn into a Coach store. The woman didn't greet us, ask us if we needed help finding anything, and was generally unfriendly. Not to mention that she very obviously looked down at my shoes at one point, and looked away with disgust. Now, my Keds didn't cost me an arm and a leg ($40 for a good pair of sneakers is reasonable).

Thank God that Jesus doesn't look at us that way despite our filthy rags!

Something That No One Likes to Think About

2008-06-17T22:51:47-06:00

You hear about it a lot and you're probably sick of hearing about it. In fact, you might wonder why people keep bring it up and you've had enough of people on TV saying "Get tested." But despite the millions of dollars being pumped into trying to find a cure for it, it hasn't gone away.

HIV/AIDS.

Odds are, you will know someone who will contract the disease in your lifetime, if you don't already. The disease was diagnosed in over 35,000 people in 2006 in the United States alone. It is estimated that between 36,000,000 and 48,000,000 million people world-wide have the disease, and that number is expected to increase. The highest risk for HIV/AIDS are gay men.

And as you're reading this you're probably think "Yeah, I know that. Go figure." But I ask you to take a minute to think about that. Forty-eight million people are going to have their lifespan cut short because of the disease. Many of these are children who contracted the disease from their mother during birth or breastfeeding as an infant.

As a Christian, it is very easy to become pious. It's easy to say that because we don't have HIV/AIDS and are at very low risk to contracting the disease that we are somehow better than they are. After all, almost 71% of gay men will contract the disease in their lifetime. It's easy for us to fall into the trap of thinking that because they're gay, God is somehow going to give them AIDS as a punishment. Or that because someone was promiscuous and now have AIDS, somehow that is their punishment. It is not our place to think that, nor should we preach it. It is a consequence of their actions, though it may not be a punishment. Because it is easy for us to become pious in such situations, it is also very easy for us to be uncompassionate. It's very easy for us to not care or to not want to touch someone with such an "unclean" disease.

However, it is part of our vocation as Christians to take care of those who are less fortunate. This includes those with HIV/AIDS. Christ died for all people, not just for those that are healthy or people that "aren't bad." He forgives us when we don't care or don't want to look in on those who have HIV/AIDS or some other sort of ailment. And He forgives those who have diseases and are unclean.

Recently I was reading an article about a mother with AIDS whose two children were also HIV/AIDS positive. Her only wish was that her children would die before she did so that they would have someone to take care of them on their death bed. She got her wish.

I encourage you to become involved with people who are dying of AIDS. Many of them will die very alone and scared and many will not know the comfort of the Gospel. You may have the opportunity to share it with them.

Interesting Thought (to me at least...)

2008-04-24T13:12:13-06:00

I'm listening to an interview with Ben Stein right now. I don't really want to pay $8 to go see Expelled...though I think that the premise of the movie is an interesting idea. But in thinking about Intelligent Design...and my career path...and the career paths of millions of other people....

Without an original design, what is the point of any design?

Without an original plan to anything, what is the point of having any design in anything? Why do we even have design at all? Design of anything?

Design and logic go hand in hand in most cases. Without design, would there be any logic in the world?

Why do we design at all if we are to believe that there is no original design?

Cappuccino Made from the Tears of Angels

2008-03-17T14:09:13-06:00

(I posted this on my Facebook and decided to post it here, too.)

So I have a story.

My family up and decided to go to Minneapolis on Saturday (sorry, Andrea, I wish I would've known sooner and I would've called you). My brother needed to go to the Minneapolis Institute of Arts to look at some medieval art for his history class. I wanted to go just because it's an art museum. We talked my parents into going dropping us off and giving us two hours.

Little did we know that the place my brother wanted to be dropped off at was the wrong place. (Yeah, my little brother is kind of special that way.) He looked up the wrong directions and we ended up at a culinary school. Then, when the lady at the desk told him which direction to go to find the right place, he went the wrong way. Six blocks the wrong way. We stopped at the Westin to ask for directions. The guy said that it'd be 20 blocks in the opposite direction. We walked back in the freezing cold weather and found Target Center where we wandered around for a while to warm up. I looked across the street and there was a coffee shop. :D

So we went into the coffee shop and I waited around for the Barista to get done smoking outside. I ordered a small cappuccino (first time I've ever ordered black coffee). As the barista was making it he told me that it would be the best cappuccino I'd ever had because it was made from the tears of angels as they wept. We started talking about where we're from and I told him Nebraska (I figured Nebraska's better than Alabama). He said he hated Nebraska with a passion because of the Grand Island flies in August. August 13th, to be specific. His car broke down so he got stuck on a bus across the state sitting next to some crazy guy telling him about how Genesis is actually a story about an alien she-God and the 13th planet orbiting our solar system which wreaks havoc on the earth once every ten years.

Just down the street was this Scientology center with about 200 protesters standing outside...and we went to talk to them. The lady we talked to had rainbow hair (which was awesome) and piercings (which was also awesome). She said she just hates the way scientology operates and wishes that they would stop some of their unethical business and personal practices. Can't blame 'em for trying.

Anyway. If you're going to have an adventure in downtown Minneapolis, make sure you stop in and say hi to my crazy Barista. He makes good cappuccino.