Security in the Midst of Change

Its a mixed up muddled up shook up world

2008-08-17T23:31:32-06:00

I've changed a lot since I went to college. In some ways, for the better. In some ways....not so much. I feel like I've become more skeptical of everyone and at the same time become more honest with what I really think about people. Is it necessarily a good thing? I don't know. I've often wondered that. There's such a fine line between bearing false witness and....well, bearing false witness. Is it better to be honest and let people know what you really think of them or to just tell them that - yeah, sure, you're fine, I don't actually hate your guts. (But maybe that's too dramatic...)

People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

But isn't it easy to? I've come to the point in my life where professionalism has got to kick in at some point, and yet I don't feel like professionalism and the office politics I'll soon be engaging jive with my personality. I'm not a conversationalist. I don't like to tone it down. It either is or it isn't. It's not in between. It's not almost. In some situations, I do. In others . . .

As someone who strives for consistency, balance, and "norms," I find it incredibly difficult to actually achieve these things. No matter how much I want to will it into existence, there isn't always a clear black and white. In my mind, maybe there is. But in yours? What if you're black and I'm white? Granted, I'm still stuck on earth, and it doesn't look like death is in the 5 year plan (so far, obit. probably in the paper tomorrow - struck down by lightning).

I don't know where to fall. Obviously, I'm not perfect. And lately my human nature seems to be particularly strong in thinking that if not perfect, then pretty darn close. But...oh, wait, that's wrong, too. Even when the answer is staring you in the face, sometimes it's hard to come to terms with, no? This guy died for me some 2,000 odd years ago and it's free...and it's...everything.

Why is it so hard?

Lord, have mercy.

Coach

2008-06-18T19:16:51-06:00

So I spent a wonderful day with Luvable Lutheran today in Minneapolis at the Mall of America and at her apartment helping her clean and pack for her move to Chicago. While we were at the mall, we went into the Coach store where a woman who obviously worked there was standing.

Now, I don't usually dress up to go to a mall. I was wearing jeans and some keds with an average Anna-worn shirt. Apparently, this was not classy enough to be worn into a Coach store. The woman didn't greet us, ask us if we needed help finding anything, and was generally unfriendly. Not to mention that she very obviously looked down at my shoes at one point, and looked away with disgust. Now, my Keds didn't cost me an arm and a leg ($40 for a good pair of sneakers is reasonable).

Thank God that Jesus doesn't look at us that way despite our filthy rags!

Cappuccino Made from the Tears of Angels

2008-03-17T14:09:13-06:00

(I posted this on my Facebook and decided to post it here, too.)

So I have a story.

My family up and decided to go to Minneapolis on Saturday (sorry, Andrea, I wish I would've known sooner and I would've called you). My brother needed to go to the Minneapolis Institute of Arts to look at some medieval art for his history class. I wanted to go just because it's an art museum. We talked my parents into going dropping us off and giving us two hours.

Little did we know that the place my brother wanted to be dropped off at was the wrong place. (Yeah, my little brother is kind of special that way.) He looked up the wrong directions and we ended up at a culinary school. Then, when the lady at the desk told him which direction to go to find the right place, he went the wrong way. Six blocks the wrong way. We stopped at the Westin to ask for directions. The guy said that it'd be 20 blocks in the opposite direction. We walked back in the freezing cold weather and found Target Center where we wandered around for a while to warm up. I looked across the street and there was a coffee shop. :D

So we went into the coffee shop and I waited around for the Barista to get done smoking outside. I ordered a small cappuccino (first time I've ever ordered black coffee). As the barista was making it he told me that it would be the best cappuccino I'd ever had because it was made from the tears of angels as they wept. We started talking about where we're from and I told him Nebraska (I figured Nebraska's better than Alabama). He said he hated Nebraska with a passion because of the Grand Island flies in August. August 13th, to be specific. His car broke down so he got stuck on a bus across the state sitting next to some crazy guy telling him about how Genesis is actually a story about an alien she-God and the 13th planet orbiting our solar system which wreaks havoc on the earth once every ten years.

Just down the street was this Scientology center with about 200 protesters standing outside...and we went to talk to them. The lady we talked to had rainbow hair (which was awesome) and piercings (which was also awesome). She said she just hates the way scientology operates and wishes that they would stop some of their unethical business and personal practices. Can't blame 'em for trying.

Anyway. If you're going to have an adventure in downtown Minneapolis, make sure you stop in and say hi to my crazy Barista. He makes good cappuccino.

Buying Handmade - Give it a shot

2008-01-08T19:38:52-07:00

I'm an artist and as such I tend to be a little indie/artsy. Make fun of me all you want. I don't care. :P (No really, I don't care.)

In my latest artcapades, I decided to take the pledge to buy handmade gifts this year. Not necessarily because I think it's the best idea on the planet. It'll definitely make gift buying harder. But more because I want to support my fellow craftsmen/women.

Check it out: Buy Handmade

A great place to buy handmade, original stuff: Etsy

Whether or not you give it a try, take a look at the labels on what you buy at stores and see where it comes from. Most things come from overseas. So why not support an artist from the states?

College Life 2.1

2008-01-02T11:17:26-07:00

She lives!...mainly because Stan threatened me. But also because I planned to post during break so here I am.

This past semester was hard. Printmaking and illustration combined took up about 60 hours a week of homework. They say that you can count on about twice as much homework as the number of credit hours in a class. But for art, that doesn't apply. I put in 60 hours in two weeks on my illustration final, and barely finished in time to submit it. It got done, though, and that's what counts. I've also discovered that no matter what the gen ed, it all feels like a total waste of time. Is anyone with me on that one?

This next semester I'll be working two jobs again. I was offered to become a print technician in September, and took the job not realizing that it would make me responsible for over 100 people's homework every night. I run maintenance on the printers (Epson 9800, 7600, 4000, and 3800) and also queue people's prints. Last year everyone handled their own printing, which caused some damage to the printers, prints coming out badly, etc. So...woohoo! I work nights. I also still work in the library in the tech services part. In other words, I stick the call labels to the spine of books. It's a lowkey job...not much stress involved, thank God.

Basically, that's my life in a nutshell. I spent most of last semester in survival mode. In September, I had been having problems and pain in my abdominal area, so I went to the doctor and they found some cysts which had a slight risk of being cancer. Fortunately, they ran some tests and found out that it was NOT cancer, that I was healthy, and they were caused due to stress (best friend's wedding, day camp, Cambodia, back to school, etc). I got put on some meds and it fixed the problem.

Apartment life is nice, but it's also nice still being on campus. I can see why people would want to live off campus, though. I won't be able to live off campus until senior year, which is fine with me. I have a friend that lives in a cute little apartment downtown that looks like it would be nice. We'll see! It's a year and a half away still. ;)

And that's about it for now... I'll try to blog more later and see if I can come up with more interesting things to blog about!

"You need to get out more."

2007-10-20T13:55:58-06:00

Someone told me that. I agreed with him. So I'm going to go see a movie tonight... It's not that I don't get out. It's just that I don't get out with members of the opposite sex (aka, males). I don't have time to devote to a full time relationship with a guy. I'm broke. I'm an art major. I'm not allowed to enter the cafeteria. I'm either in my room or in the art building. When there's four guys in the entire sophomore class that are art majors, it makes the pickings slim. (I'm not sure there's a point to this...other than...take it for what it is.)

Anyway. Is there anyone else out there who dreads going to family functions because you know that the inevitable question is "Been on any dates lately?" The answer is always: Of course not. "Why not?" I don't know. What do you think? "You should go out more." (Maybe it's not just me that has to do the "going out.") It doesn't help when two of your aunts got married at Concordia.

It also doesn't help that, if you attend CUNE, there's the expectation that you MUST be engaged by the time you're a junior, otherwise you've pretty much lost any chance of ever getting married. It's a myth. Plenty of people get married when they're older (say late 20s, early 30s, and sometimes even 40s or 50s!). Maybe I'm not ready to date...or maybe I just want a friendship. Maybe that's all I need at this point in my life. Maybe it's not God's intention that I cling to a boy right now. Maybe I want to be a bit more settled before I think about getting married. Maybe I think it's God's will that I wait to just go out with anybody. (Doesn't mean that if a guy asked, I'd say no if it were dinner...) Yet there's always that twinge of "ouch!" in the back of my head every time I see a couple holding hands. Yay pop culture. Anyway, just thought I'd throw that out there.

If I keep up my posting habits of late, I might get a post up about once a month. Which, statistically speaking, is better than a lot of HT blogs. Life has been interesting lately. This semester needs to be over. Unfortunately we have 8 weeks left. I don't think I've ever been as busy or stressed out as I have been since August. Next semester, my schedule is so much lighter. Three art classes (one's an art history class) and three gen eds.

I think it's partly been rough because I realized that, even though I'm working my tail off to get a BFA in graphic design, I may not ever actually use it. I'm sure I'll end up working somewhere...but between my two passions in life, I think I'm actually going to end up going into at least part-time mission work, either domestic or international. (HT, if you want a full-time graphic design intern, speak fast...hint hint). It's not that these two things necessarily conflict each other. I just wish I were done so that I could go ahead and get on it. Freshman year got me into the swing of things. Sophomore year seems redundant. Who knows what I'll feel like junior year...

The Crrrrazy Life of a Kid Sophomore

2007-09-16T17:15:47-06:00

I'm alive. I'm back at school. The blues have set in.

To sum up the summer... Day camp is hard and honestly I hope I never have to do it again. I have a lot of good memories from this summer, and some not so good ones. I think my favorite week was when I had a 103 degree fever and was diagnosed with strep throat...my kids missed me horribly and I unfortunately had to miss massages the next day... and the next day was when I was in a car accident that totaled our camp van. Good times.

Fall to me is always a bittersweet season. I always get back into the swing of things and somehow always find myself missing something. Like there's a blackhole where my heart should be. I'm never quite sure why this happens. On the other hand, it's always a time when I find time to catch up with people I haven't heard from or seen in ages and ages. It's an in-between moment.

This semester I find myself already buried in homework but managing it well. Four art classes and two gen eds will keep a body busy. It feels like I've been at school for about a year and in reality it's been less than 4 weeks.

Just another new normal to get used to, I suppose. My family now lives in MN after a huge move from Selma, AL to Mankato. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it. That sense of home is gone now. Or, I guess, home still feels like Alabama. It's funny how you wake up to reality every morning.

Anyways, I'm in a dorm apartment this year and I'm loving it so far. I'm working two jobs which is going okay so far. I'm a print assistant (digital lab manager) 3 nights a week and I still work in the library.

I'll have to blog more later and get caught up with things.

24 Hours of Internet for $9.99

2007-07-10T20:20:37-06:00

Yeah...so I feel pretty lame. I just spent 10 bucks on internet for 24 hours because last night I was actually DREAMING about how someone had told me I have two messages waiting for me on Facebook. Well, I was mad, because in my dream I did NOT receive two messages. I didn't receive any. Then I realized "Oh my gosh, you're pathetic! You were dreaming about Facebook." Which is pretty pathetic, no? So yeah, I'm at the local Starbucks where I ordered a Venti Passion Tea (which if you haven't had, is amazing). I borrowed one of my coworker's laptops...realized the internet cost that much money...was mad because I couldn't check anything...and bought 24 hours worth of internet.

And to make this story better, I found $5...and then stabbed someone... (stupid jokes).

But...the summer is less than 21 days to being over (at least the part where Anna Joy is a counselor). In fact, I'm done July 26th. Which means I have exactly 16 days left. Can you tell I'm excited to be done? In all honesty, I'm just ready for this to be over. It's not that it hasn't been fun - some parts of it have - it's just that I feel like I've been going absolutely non-stop for about 2 months now...which is exactly what I've done.

I took my summer "vacation" to Lynea's wedding this weekend, which was quite amazing. Congrats Mrs. Sander! It was good to see everyone, although I still feel completely exhausted from the wedding... It was fun to be the Maid of Honor as well.

It's kind of beginning to sink in that in less than 3 weeks I'll be in Cambodia. I'm starting to get super psyched for it, and at the same time nervous because I'll be headed to an overseas country again...

Anyway, I guess that's all for now.

Home...or rather the idea of it.

2007-06-06T21:44:20-06:00

I watched Garden State tonight for the first time. I think watching it finally made me realize what's been bugging me so much about this summer: My family's moving to Minnesota and while it will have a direct impact on my life, at the same time, I won't be there to experience any of it.

I'm not going to be home to be there with my family while they pack. I won't be there with my family when the stress of getting the house ready for moving kicks in. There's this "idea" of home that you kind of always carry with you. Home is somewhere that you "own," in a sense. It's a piece of you, or you're a piece of it.

Either way, there comes a time when you lose the sense that your parents home is your own home. And I think it hit me that, slowly as it has come, that idea is finally gone. I'm more at home at school than I am when I'm at home, and when my family moves to Minnesota, the feeling will be even more so. I don't think it's either a good or bad thing. I think it's just something that happens.

It's kind of a melancholy feeling.

2 Days in the Life of a Counselor Named Sketch

2007-06-05T16:19:07-06:00

This post is from the Camp Dixie Day Staff 2007 blog which can be found here. I and the other day camp counselors will post there throughout our weeks as staff. I'll try to post frequently here as well.

We're in our first week of day camp and so far things have been pretty discouraging, but we're only in our second today. Things have started to look up a little bit, which is good.

We were only supposed to have 5-12 year olds at our day camps, but at this location (Bogalusa, LA) we ended up with kids anywhere from 3-15. When you weren't prepared for such a large age gap, it can be frustrating! This week I'm working with 13 year olds and older. I started out with six in my group then two left. Today I gained another one, so I'm hoping to have 5 throughout the week.

Yesterday, things were pretty rough. We had so much downtime between activities that the kids just ran wild. Then, when we were trying to get through our large group games, everyone was fighting, which is obviously not a good thing. Bible study went pretty well on my end. I was able to take up the whole 45 minutes, but I'm not sure that the kids actually got anything out of it or not. Today, I know they did not want to be there, since they repeatedly asked me if they could leave, or if they were done. We weren't on topic once! But for the first 10 minutes I think they got some good discussion time out of it. They asked me some pretty deep theological questions and I tried to explain my answers the best I could.

We started talking about God's eternal nature and how God exists outside of time. I don't think anyone ever began to grasp the concept that God wasn't created but that He's just always been there. It was kind of crazy, but at the same time cool that they were thinking and talking about it. They also asked me some questions about homosexualism. I had to explain that just because you're Gay doesn't mean that you're automatically condemned to Hell...not sure that they understood that, either. I'm hoping that they'll want to participate more as the week goes on. We'll see how things go.

After Bible study, we let the kids either play in the gym with the basketballs/kickballs or go outside and play kickball. We ended up wrapping things up a little early with roundup. My kids did a skit (yay! perhaps a sign of progress?) that they came up with themselves. It was basically a modern day version of the Parable of the Good Samaritan.

Arts and crafts the last two days have been incredibly successful. Everyone's at least sat down and worked through the craft even if they didn't want to finish it or work on it at all to begin with. I'm happy because that's 45 mins-1 hour that actually goes as it should.

I think yesterday was definitely more mentally taxing than today was. It's definitely been a challenge to learn how to just let things slide but still have at least some structure to the day.

Last night we went to eat Chinese at Dragon Palace. It was actually really good despite the somewhat shady appearance of the building. Tonight we're going to eat at Taco Bell. I'm excited for it. I heart me some tacos. Anyway, more later this week!

- "Sketch"