"Using video to consecrate Communion elements for home groups cannot be condoned or encouraged, according to the Commission on Theology and Church Relations." (March 2006 Reporter)
One of the true gifts of having a bishop (that would be my senior pastor) is that not only is he like a father to me, but every now and again he comes in and brightens my day. I mean, I'm happy plugging along and then he comes in and reads me something from the Reporter just to make me smile.
Initially, I thought I would have to cancel my plans to make a DVD of consecrating the elements. I was really looking forward to “equipping” our small groups with DVDs so that they wouldn't have to come to church and receiving the Lord's Body and Blood from the hand of their pastor, the hand of Christ. But, then I remembered that no one really truly has to listen to the CTCR, so I can resume my plans for my other projects, which include.......
Baptism DVDs - Why worry about bringing the little tot to church, when pastor can do a DVD of baptisms and you can do it yourself? Why return to church after your long absence for the beautiful service when you can do-it-yourself at home? Each Baptismal DVD comes with a vial of water blessed by the pastor (holy) - just in case a Baptism is being done in a mini-van or on the road. Included in each DVD is a code to post online so that the Ablaze count can go up! Gotta get the numbers of those touched by Jesus properly recorded!
Confirmation DVDs - Why trouble yourself with traveling back to church after Baptism or the Baptism DVD, get your kid confirmed by DVD! Gone is the anxiety of finding a church and convincing the pastor to confirm your kid after a long absence from the Lord's Church! Gone is the memory work and that annoying little thing known as receiving gifts from God, that is faith. Pop in this DVD and instant Confirmation! Of course, an Ablaze code will be included in this DVD too.
DVD/Online Holy Absolution - It's so scary being in front of a pastor and confessing the evil things we do, so why not remove the barriers with user-friendly DVD/Online Holy Absolution? Pop in this DVD and there is your pastor with Holy Absolution! There would be an optional online version of this Absolution, which included pre-set responses like...
“That was a really bad sin...”
“You aren't really sorry for that sin, you are just sorry you got caught...”
“You know the workers of such evil things burn in the Lake of Fire on the Last Day forever and ever amen.”
“Hey, that sounds fun, bring your pastor the next time you do that one!”
"That's not really a sin..."
"Which Commandment did this break?"
"You know what would really fix this sin? if you could be so kind, please give $100 to us via Paypal. Jesus loves a cheerful giver!"
Online Mass – Why bother ever again to rise and go to the Lord's Church on the Lord's Day? Have church when you want, where you want, with Holy Communion! Bread will be included in each "package," but not wine since this might violate "dry" counties in the South and might be a temptation to recovering alcoholics. Since Netflix and Blockbuster send movies out, we can send out sermons and services for each Sunday and festival of the church year. The only problem that I can see in this is the holy rite known as "the Offering." But, the technology exists to fix this problem – autodraft! With every DVD, an auto-draft of 10% of your last deposit will be withdrawn from your checking account. Whether you go to church or not doesn't matter as long as we get your money! Some churches are already doing something like this for "The Offering!"
Now, don't get me wrong, there are certain things that we clergy simply MUST do – like weddings and funerals. We have to do those, I mean there is extra money in these and we don't want to lose that extra income (wink). But, otherwise, the Mass, Holy Baptism, Communion, and Holy Absolution can be done online or with the DVDs.
This is a pretty big business, we need to get cracking on this before someone steals the idea and the CTCR has to comment on it....
Edited on: March 07th, 2006 6:02 pm
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