Madre's Missives

The problem is that no matter what we do to look better, we rarely feel beautiful. When we look in the mirror, we are drawn to note our many flaws and all the ways we fall short of whatever the standard for "beautiful" is. The painful truth is that we're not beautiful. That is, on our own, we're not beautiful. But beauty really is in the eye of the Beholder. And when the Beholder is the Lord Himself, who has given His own precious Blood to forgive our sins, washed us in water and His Word, clothed us with His perfect righteousness, and given us His own Name, we are truly beautiful. The real beauty we have is not our own, it is a gift that comes from outside us.

These days, it's not uncommon to see young ladies not just baring their taut little tummies and tushies, and those are often the more modestly dressed ones! It's just sad that these young ladies are being led to believe that they need to look and dress in such a way for men to consider them attractive. And those young men no doubt do! What healthy, red-blooded man isn't attracted to bare female flesh with an attitude that advertises its availability for his pleasure? Unfortunately, that kind of attraction usually lasts only as long as the physical beauty does. It's no wonder that women are getting themselves injected, poked, prodded, peeled, tucked, lifted, and suctioned out at rates higher than ever before.

Sure, there's something to be said for not dressing as though you were waiting for a "gentleman" to wedge a sweaty dollar bill into an article of your clothing. It's astounding what some young girls wear out in public these days. The way we dress sends a message about us: our priorities, our values, and our self-image - or at least the image we'd like to project to others. "If you've got it, flaunt it," the popular saying goes. The way to be perceived as successful and beautiful is to attract boys, and the easiest way to do that is by baring skin and acting out sexually. Tighter, smaller, sheerer, and shorter are the fashion rules to follow.

On the other hand, it's really easy to get caught up in the strict fashion rules offered by well-intentioned Christians. Many will be happy to tell you what to do, what not to do, and how to be, and about all the supposed fulfillment and joy you'll have upon your success as well. Dress modestly, mind your home, obey your husband, and have lots of babies. Minimal physical contact before marriage, and kiss dating goodbye. Don't wear anything form-fitting, low-cut, or sleeveless. Don't wear makeup or jewelry. Don't even think about wearing pants.

But that's all the way of the Law too. Our focus is so easily shifted from what Christ has done for us to what we do. We think we're safe because on the outside it looks good. We want to be obedient and pious. The above are perfectly fine personal codes of conduct, there is nothing inherently sinful about following them. The sinful part comes in when they are made rules for everyone, when we believe that doing certain things makes someone a better or more sincere Christian than someone who does not, or when we think that our following such rules is what makes us beautiful before men and God.

Somewhere along the line, someone got the idea that dressing modestly reached its height of modest-ness around 1885. This era was popularized by the mid-1970's TV show, "Little House on the Prairie." I can't be the only one who has noticed this trend. Yet there it is. Even among Lutherans, who tend to appreciate the freedom of the Gospel more than most other Christians, these ideas are promoted as ideals of womanliness. What is implied, if not stated directly, is that a woman who truly wants to be perceived as modest looks a certain way. A number of modest women are running tidy little home-based businesses selling other modest women modest clothing. But it seems to me that dressing like a 19th century farmer's wife draws quite a bit of attention to yourself when you live in the 21st century, which isn't exactly a modest thing to do.

Am I necessarily immodest to look for clothing styles that are flattering my body type? Is it unfeminine when I wear pants? Should I be ashamed to wear my hair cut short? Many Christians respond with a resounding, "Yes." According to these well-intentioned people, there are certain rules to follow in order to be truly feminine and faithful women. Muslim, Orthodox Jew, LDS, Amish, Mennonite all have very specific (yet amazingly similar) guides that define proper modest attire in their religious communities.

But we have been set free from such slavery. Christ has washed us, clothed us in His own garments, and made us holy, beautiful, and flawless - fit to be His Bride - through Baptism. The Lord even tells us in His Word that it is not the way we dress, style our hair, or the jewelry we wear that makes us beautiful. A woman can have a gentle and quiet spirit while wearing a sleeveless V-necked shirt and baring her ankles, or even (gasp) her knees. She can submit to her husband whether she wears bluejeans or in a burka.

Do not let your adorning be external - the braiding of your hair, the wearing of gold, or the putting on of clothing - but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. (1 Peter 3:1-7, ESV)

According to Scripture, beauty and modesty aren't even about our outward appearance. They are qualities given to us through faith in Christ. They are the living out of that faith in the vocations we have been given as women. We are told that Sarah was a beautiful woman, even in her older years. But even more importantly than her physical appearance, Sarah was beautiful because she demonstrated a trusting spirit, which submitted her husband, Abraham, as to her Lord - even going so far as to call him her "Adonai."

Submitting can be scary business. There are a lot of people out there who are more than happy to take advantage of women. Many, far too many, women have already been burned by various men in their lives before they reach their teens. Many women really struggle with trusting anyone to treat her with kindness, much less trusting a man to put her needs first and do what is best for her. Even those women who have not had their trust, bodies or hearts abused by men are taught to be on the alert for it at all times. By adolescence, many women have given into the temptation to fear and begun to develop a self-protective hard edge of suspicion regarding men, which feminism encourages under the guise of independence and material achievement. Some feminists even promote the sexualized attire and attitudes previously mentioned, because it gives women the ability to "control" their relationships with men - attracting whomever she wants, whenever she wants, for whatever purposes she wants. 

Part of the problem with beauty is that men allow themselves to be led by their hormonal reactions to womens' appearances. Many will fall all over themselves to get a chance to sample the goods some women advertise. Not nearly as many show honor to women whose beauty is in her gentle and quiet spirit.  Relationships with women are a tricky path for faithful men to navigate! But it's nothing new either. In His wisdom, God makes note that it takes a lot of understanding on the part of men to live with women who struggle with these temptations - which covers pretty much all of us. He reminds men to avoid the temptation to become frustrated and give up on us, but instead treat women with honor and care, as the weaker vessel in the relationship. 

Scripture uses the term, "weaker vessel." That's almost as offensive as "submit," isn't it? We hear those words and think of two vessels on a shelf that look alike and serve the same purpose, but one is flawed and therefore weaker than the other. But think of it another way: in many of our homes, we have dishes that we eat off of every day. I have some sturdy plates and bowls that can hold up in the microwave, the freezer, the oven, and the dishwasher. They sometimes drop on the floor and don't even crack. For quick meals, I have a stockpile of cheap paper plates that are only good for one use and then get thrown away. But I also have a set of bone china that I have inherited. Well, most of a set anyway. The thing about china is that it is very fragile. It is very expensive, very precious, and often, as in the case of the hand-painted set by my great-grandmother, each piece is irreplaceable. We use it on special occasions only. This is what a "weaker vessel" is. It's not an otherwise perfectly-good vessel that has a flaw causing it to be weaker than the other. It is one that is treated with great honor and care because it is so unique and valuable. 

Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, "What shall we eat?" or "What shall we drink?" or "What shall we wear?" For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. (St. Matthew 6:25-34, ESV)

A gentle and quiet heart receives everything as gift from Him, with no other trust or confidence, and so, no anxiety. It does not live as though God were not on the scene, as though God did not care to give her life or growth. 

No more living as though He did not die and rise again for you, and so, no more anxiety. Jesus calls us out of anxiety to grow as the little lily grows, with no final confidence but in God.  We have not been freed from sin only to fall back into temptations of the flesh and live carelessly flaunting our freedom and tempting others to covet us and the bodies we have been given. Neither have we been freed from slavery to the Law by His death and resurrection only to create new laws by which we live and secretly hope to obtain His favor.

I am reading Dress Your Best : The Complete Guide to Finding the Style That's Right for Your Body Release Date: 13 September, 2005