Madre's Missives
Inadvertent and Occasionally Intentional Thoughts
Monica got married!
Posted On: November 14th, 2005 at 9:07 pm
I got an unexpected call yesterday afternoon. My son's
birthmother! We hadn't talked in a number of months and she was calling to
let me know that she had gotten married recently. I knew she was dating a
great guy for the last year or so and were leaning in that direction, but he's
in the Navy so a lot that was in the air. He came home on leave and they
eloped about 6 weeks ago. They still live in separate cities, but she's
now taken care of if something should happen to him. What great news for
her!
I was telling this to some new online friends and we got talking about
adoption. I'm a HUGE fan of adoption. I've had a wonderful
experience with it and would love to do it again (and again and again...) one
day.
I suppose Isaac's adoption is a fairly unique story. People say that
adoption takes a looooooonnnnnnng time. From the first homestudy visit to
Isaac's birthday = 32 days. He left the hospital with us 4 days
later. People say that adoption is prohibitively expensive. We
barely spent the adoption tax credit maximum. People say there aren't
babies available for adoption. I can point you to lists of women in the
U.S. desperately seeking to find families to adopt their unborn babies.
And that's not counting the waiting kids. The catch? The babies will be
various shades of brown.
Obviously, Isaac's is an open adoption done through a private
attorney/agency. His birthmother got to choose the adoptive family for her
baby. She and I remain in contact, we have each others' full names,
addresses, and phone numbers. We have visited a few times, talk on the
phone every few months (conversations that end up going on for hours), and
exchange pictures and gifts for Christmas and his birthday. She attended
Isaac's baptism 2 days after giving us custody, where he was adopted into God's
family. No, it's not scary. Not once, not for a moment have I ever
wondered if she would change her mind.
Monica is an amazing young woman, who literally chose life for her
baby. I have the utmost respect for her and am blown away by her
integrity. She originally went to have an abortion, but once there,
decided not to go through with the procedure. She told her family she had
taken a job in another state and moved across town, assuming a different
appearance. Her family still doesn't know she was pregnant, only a couple
of very close friends. She went back to school, straightened up her life,
got a good job, and had the wherewithall to do it on her own while carrying a
child she knew she could not raise on her own. One adoptive family match
fell through a month before her due date and she stuck with her plan to place
for adoption.
Like I said, she's just amazing. I'm so happy for her that she got
married.
Edited on: November 14th, 2005 9:08 pm
Comments:
Re: Monica got married!
Posted On: November 15th, 2005 at 1:06 pm by Peggy Payne
Your relationship with your child's birth mother seems uncommonly big-hearted and inclusive.
I'm the author of the novel Revelation that you and commenters were discussing here a couple of months back. I was pleased by your interest and interested in the conversation: especially the thought that one person's religious experience does not necessarily constitute another's revelation.
Re: Monica got married!
Posted On: November 15th, 2005 at 5:07 pm by Madre
Welcome Ms. Payne! Here is the post that referenced your book. I have to ask, what did you think of the Metro Lutheran editorial author's application of the story in your book? Lutherans are known for being rather "stoic" about religious experiences. Knowing just how fickle we humans are and how easily our opinions sway with the wind, we know better (or at least try to) than to entrust something as important as revelation from God and our eternal standing before him to a private experience or feeling. We believe that God has revealed all that we need for salvation by grace through faithin Christ in Scripture.
And yes, I have a great relationship with Monica. We both agree that Isaac is the best thing to happen to either of us. I have nothing but admiration for her 
Re: Monica got married!
Posted On: November 15th, 2005 at 5:22 pm by Peggy Payne
For me, the private experience counts, mine and that of others. I have a bit in common with the gnostics. I believe in the priesthood of all. And I believe that revelation is an ongoing process.
I have a friend who's very critical of that, says I'm just cherry-picking from various religions. But I feel most solid relying on my inner compass as to what's true.
Re: Monica got married!
Posted On: November 15th, 2005 at 5:37 pm by Madre
I believe in the priesthood of all Christians too, but I have a feeling we mean different things by it. And for what it's worth, Lutherans do not confess a closed canon of Scripture. It is possible that further revelation would be added to it, though that's very unlikely at this point.
I know a lot of people who also live by a philosophy similar to yours, and there's definitely something to be said for listening to one's own conscience. I just know how misled I've been by my own inner voice half the time, and how easy it is to dismiss it in favor of wishful thinking for the other half. It is a lot more solid, IMO, to put my trust in something (or rather Someone) outside of myself. That doesn't mean I don't listen to my conscience at all or that personal experience or private revelation (I've had my share of "aha" moments), but I try to test it by a more objective standard that is not dependent on me to be true. I know that I have a way of believing things and finding personal experience very conveniently supporting them in the way I want them to be. But I'm sure you're much better at that than I am! I hope that makes sense. I expect you disagree, and that's cool. I just want us both to understand what we're disagreeing with
Re: Monica got married!
Posted On: November 16th, 2005 at 9:05 am by Peggy Payne
My inner voice has taken some questionable stands too. I've been getting better, though, at recognizing the areas where it's not reliable. At the same time, I don't think the bad info is coming clear from the deep spring, I think the message has somehow gotten murky on its trip into my consciousness.