Madre's Missives

Dear Madre: "Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?"

2008-04-23T15:47:23-06:00

Dear Madre,

I'm in college and living away from home in an apartment near campus with some friends. I even have a boyfriend (finally!). He's really sweet and thoughtful and all my friends really like him too. He's even Lutheran!

But he goes to another school a couple of hours away so we really only get to spend time together when he comes to visit, about twice a month for a weekend. I'm really committed to remaining a virgin until I get married, but sometimes we fall asleep cuddling on the couch, and he's slept with me in my bed a few times too. Is it wrong of us to sleep together when he comes to visit if we're really truly just sleeping?

Lady Strawberry Jam

Dear Lady,

Congrats on the Lutheran boyfriend! However, I must remind you that any man worth his salt wouldn't put you or your reputation in such a compromising position as to intentionally plan to spend the night in your apartment, much less your bed, when he comes to visit. Surely you have some male friends who can let him sleep on a couch or patch of floor for a weekend! Aren't you worth the extra effort?

Well, I guess it's not technically a sin to "just sleep" with someone of the opposite sex. But that doesn't make it right or even "not wrong". It's one thing to fall asleep cuddling during a late night movie on the living room couch when other people are home, but it's quite another to "go to bed" in your bedroom together.

Even if you're "not doing anything", sharing a bed with a man is hardly something that could be described as chaste or decent behavior (review the 6th commandment and explanation). It's like living with a boyfriend and playing house together, pretending like you're a married couple and doing intimate things that, normally, only married couples do together (like sharing a bed). But you're not married. You're not even living together. You're just doing it for the night.

And we all know what sorts of things happen in beds, under covers, in the dark, and it's not just sleeping. Even if it is "completely innocent" now, there will come a night when one or both of you lay down with hormones percolating away and you'll "accidentally" have "unplanned sex". Or you'll manage to hold out and "technically" remain a virgin.

What it comes down to is that 1. It's inappropriate and harms your reputation as a chaste Christian young woman who prizes her virginity and 2. It's playing with fire and eventually, to one degree or another, you will get burnt.

It's nice to wake up in the arms of a strong man who cares for you. It feels good. That's the idea. Let that be your husband.

- M

The Man behind the Curtain

2008-04-20T17:09:41-06:00

Like the Wizard of Oz who appeared to be bigger than life but, in reality, was just a man with a microphone standing behind a curtain, pastors are also just men. They are really no different from any other human men we all know. They're not smarter, faster, stronger, more charming or better in any way than butchers, bakers, or candlestick makers.

Pastors do hold a unique office in God's kingdom. They are called and ordained servants of the Word and set aside deliver God's gifts to us. They're divine delivery men. Their office, like the UPS man or the pizza guy, has an identifiable uniform. A uniform denotes a certain respect for a vocation's office, and authority that it carries. For example, we would be happy to accept a package from a man dressed in brown shirt and shorts, but might question receiving a package from a shady character wearing aviator sunglasses and a hooded sweatshirt. The trustworthiness of the vocation being fulfilled is shown by the uniform - the person who wears it is essentially unimportant and interchangeable with any other person who is set aside to wear it.

Their authority to preach and teach God's Word as a called and ordained servant of that Word and by His authority is in the office they have been given. And that office of pastor, like any other vocation, exists authoritatively only in a specific relationship - to his own congregation. A pizza guy doesn't have any authority to deliver free, all-you-can-eat pizzas to his friends and family just because it is his job to deliver pizzas. He doesn't get to choose whom he is called to serve with his vocation. He doesn't get to choose what toppings you get on the pizza he delivers to you. Like a pastor, he passes on to us what he has received, and what he has been set aside to deliver to us.

However, pastors are servants of the Word as well. The Word of God is authoritative and powerful independent of the pastors who proclaim it. It creates faith (Romans 10:17), it is what makes Sacraments sacraments. "Baptism is not simple water only, but it is the water comprehended in God's command and connected with God's Word," and "It is not the water indeed that does them, but the word of God which is in and with the water, and faith, which trusts such word of God in the water. For without the word of God the water is simple water and no baptism. But with the word of God it is a baptism." (Small Catechism). Note that it does not say that it is the water comprehended in God's command and connected with God's Word when spoken only by the pastor.

God's Word is authoritative simply because it is God's Word and accomplishes what He sets out for it, regardless of the delivery method He chooses in any given situation - whether it is a layman, a donkey, a pastor, a burning bush, or an unbeliever. It is the Holy Spirit working in that Word that accomplishes God's will, not the Office in and of itself since the Office does not properly exist except in service to deliver that Word. That is why we can trust that even the Word preached and Sacraments administered by an unbeliever in the Office is still God's Word and as sure as if Christ Himself preached it. God's Word is living and active, it does what it says. "The Word...does not become false because of the person or his unbelief," (FC SD IX:25).

Pastors, because of the authority of the Word that they deliver through their office, need to be careful that they do not fall prey to the temptation of believing in their own self-importance. The pay isn't usually very good, but the authority with which many members revere him sure is a nice perk. The pomp and circumstance with which he carries out the service, often wearing all sorts of fancy liturgical bling adds to the effect - and the temptation. It's easy to see how some may be begin to think that God's Word proclaimed from their lips is more powerful and authoritative than that same word is from the lips of a mere layman.

"For it is not founded upon the holiness of men, but upon the Word of God." (FC SD IX:24)

And I get paid for this!

2008-03-20T23:29:33-06:00

YOUTH: hey can u summarize the story of the prodigal son for me real quick? its for a friend. lol

MADRE: hey dad, drop dead. i want my inheritance now./ouch. ok, here you go, don't spend it all in one place/(son burns thru it and ends up living off pig slop)

MADRE: (son thinks this stinks, at least i had food at dad's, maybe if i go back he won't kick my butt and i can work for him if he doesn't want me to be his son anymore)

MADRE: son sucks it up and goes home. dad has been waiting and watching for him to come back and is happy to see him, welcomes him with open arms and has a big bbq party.

MADRE: the end.

(Yes, that's even what my phone looks like. Isn't it cool??)

Casa Madre

2008-02-24T23:37:45-07:00

In case you ever wondered about my house, Isaac took it upon himself to put up signs that he made all by himself while I napped for an hour this afternoon.

Door	Basement Door

Dining Room	Lamp

Kitchen - Dinner	Microwave

Dog Crate	Fan

Fireplace

Piano

Can I Pray for You?

2008-01-20T21:42:42-07:00

"This is probably a little unprofessional, but I've been working on this prayer for a really long time and, well... would you mind if I prayed it for you?"

I smiled and bowed my head, not sure what to expect. We had already established in conversation that the waiter was a Lutheran, and he had already asked repeatedly to pray with my friends and I who were out to lunch. It would've been rude to say no at this point.

As I sat, staring at the remaining bit of crust from the really tasty shrimp BLT I had for lunch, the blond-haired, blue-eyed waiter from Wisconsin transformed into a beat-boxing booty-shaking boy from the 'hood.

I don't even remember most of the content of his "prayer." Truthfully, I was too busy concentrating on not making any strange faces at the absurdity of the situation. He was actually performing his "prayer" like he was on stage. When he was done, I honestly didn't know if I was supposed to say "Amen" or applaud.

This event exemplifies a larger problem - worship as performance. Lutherans are a strange group, in that we believe the highest form of worship is to receive gifts from God. Nearly all other Christians understand worship as primarily our giving gifts to God . Not only was this post-lunchtime prayer a performance presumably for God, it was a performance for us to enjoy like a concert.

A pastor of mine once taught me that Christians pray because we know from Whom all good gifts come. That's really profound. According to the Small Catechism, we know that in Christ we have a God who "...would thereby tenderly urge us to believe that He is our true Father, and that we are His true children, so that we may ask Him confidently with all assurance, as dear children ask their dear father."

We pray because we can, and because we have a Father who can't wait to give us good gifts. He hasn't kept any good thing from us and has even given the life of His own Son for our sakes. He doesn't need our prayers to know what's going on in our lives, our fears, our joys, our needs, etc. He's God and knows all that stuff already. He knows far better than we could possibly imagine what we truly need even without our prayer, but because He's our Father, we can ask for the things we think we need too.

And if we're going to perform a little ditty for our friends and family and random strangers at a restaurant, we should just call it that and not put some sort of spiritual veneer over it, pretending it's a prayer.

Fernando is dead.

2008-01-09T17:27:15-07:00

He was a lovely lizard who gave our youth room that certain "je ne sais quois." Fernando survived some tough times, but he was always quick on the draw, nabbing those albino crickets he was fed. Shelby will miss him most, no doubt. He became a member of her family and thrived (i.e., got fat with all the crickets he could eat) under her watchful care. We should all be grateful for the opportunity we had to know one of these smallest of God's creatures and to have him (her?) as part of our lives for the past year and a half.

Blessed are those who die in the aquarium...or something like that...

Rest in peace, Fernando.

On the Eve of the Eve...

2007-12-30T20:43:48-07:00

Mohels (Jewish ritual circumcisionists) have been getting increased business from non-Jewish customers. There are a variety of reasons for the practice - some parents are concerned about the lack of training and experience of those performing the procedure in hospitals. Why not hire an expert who has literally performed thousands of these throughout his career? Some are also worried about hospital-borne diseases and believe that home would be a more sterile location.

"That's precisely the question posed at www.holisticcircumcision.com [non-graphic], a site that Sherman set up for non-Jewish parents. On it, he describes a 'quicker, gentler, and more humane' circumcision carried out without the use of "drugs, injections or creams" (he suggests sugar water or wine) in an environment that's 'spiritual and meaningful' instead of 'clinical and cold.'"

The ceremonial significance of a ritually performed circumcision isn't lost on non-Jews either.

"Nearly two years ago, Jeannie Noth Gaffigan and Jim Gaffigan gave birth to their first son at home through the assistance of a nurse-midwife. Though the decision to circumcise wasn't a religious one, as Catholics the Gaffigans wanted more than a simple medical procedure. 'We felt a mohel would lend a high level of dignity and significance to this very important moment in our lives,' Noth Gaffigan said in an e-mail to the Forward."

"[The Mohel], 52, arrived at a house packed with food, drink and family - a gathering that, were it not for the priest in the corner, would have looked like nothing less than a Jewish bris. While James waited for his big moment - his gauze pacifier soaked in sugar and Manischewitz - Jeannie read a passage from the New Testament describing Mary and Joseph dedicating the infant Jesus to God. After this, the priest gave a common Catholic benediction, known in Judaism as the Priestly Blessing, followed by Blake's rendition in Hebrew."

If you're going to circumcise a little boy, this certainly seems like a viable alternative means to get the job done and done well. But would such a ceremonial procedure or event be syncretistic?

Compass Controversy: But They Kill God!

2007-12-18T20:11:38-07:00

Most of the "theological" aspects of the movie have been discussed in great detail in many and various places. I have no desire or time to rehash plot explanations etc.

In short, I found nothing in this movie any more offensive to Christians than the average TV sitcom that caricatures Christianity in order to dismiss its followers as backwards and unenlightened folks who just mindlessly ape what they've been told is true. Maybe I've got a thick skin about such matters, but to me it looks like the same old straw man, same old insult. Do we really expect anything else from Hollywood? From the world?

The high school youth from my church who saw the movie with me were far more confused by the incongruity of the storyline itself than were even slightly convinced to renounce their Baptismal faith. Some teens from my youth group did not have their parents' permission to see the movie and I respect that. I even hired a babysitter for my own son that evening. While I am comfortable watching a controversial movie like this with well-catechized high-school-aged young men and women, I will not see it with my 5 year old child. I don't think this movie would be appropriate for most elementary-school-aged kids.

But the biggest offense in the Pullman series of "His Dark Materials" is yet to come, in the final book in the series which concludes with the main characters killing God, or at least the "god" figure in the books. How DARE he? How anti-Christian and anti-religious can a story get?! And to market such material to children and teach them that God can and should be killed in order for people to gain their freedom from "Dust" the sin-like substance that permeates humanity and causes sickness and even death??

Hmm...wait a second there. That sounds a little familiar.

Isn't it a bit ironic that we, good Christians, are so deeply offended about an author writing about children killing God...and yet we actually get annoyed when Lent comes around each year because church is so drab and depressing? We get all worked up about a sci-fi fantasy atheist author's scandalous conclusion, but fail to be at all put off by the Scandal that is true.

Did you forget? We - you and I - really have killed God. We are no better than Pullman. In fact, his killing of "God" is just a pretend story. We mocked and beat our God with our fists and a whip that literally ripped His flesh from his bones. We spit on our God. And our God had real nails pounded through His real hands and feet into real wood. God really does die in our "story". We did that. That's what sinners do when they get their hands on God. Don't think you're any better than Phillip Pullman just because you don't have anything to do with this series of stories.

We're so blasé about the fact that we indeed HAVE killed God that we actually get self-righteous and offended when someone writes a story about a fictitious deicide and Hollywood makes a movie about it.

As I reflect on the movie and the publicity leading up to it, in a way, it's fascinating that people have lined up in protest, articles are written, sermons preached, and parents warn their children with prayerful fervor against such offensive worldly ideas. Imagine it, an atheist - trying, quite openly, to promote his false beliefs on the big screen! It's like being surprised when the Pope does or says something particularly Roman Catholic or a bear does his business in the woods.

If only we expended half that much energy looking out for and speaking against the false beliefs that come masquerading under the label of "Christian" instead of feeding sweet poison to our children.

Glow in the Dark Cats

2007-12-14T14:20:19-07:00

Who cares about the disease curing information to be gleaned from these cloned creatures? That's just COOL!

One of these is SO on my list for Santa. Glow in the dark cats. WAY COOL.

Time off for good behavior

2007-12-06T08:32:09-07:00

New plenary indulgences are available today! Can you beat that? Next year is the 150th anniversary of the appearance of Mary at Lourdes. To celebrate this occasion, the Pope has decreed that visitors to the Shrine of the Madonna of Lourdes after December 8, 2007 will receive a break on their time in Purgatory!

If you live in Rome and want to go to Lourdes in France, you can take the special Vatican-run airline that has been set up for just such pilgrimages! What a brilliant idea from the Holy Father!

Don't worry - if you can't make it to the south of France for this one-time opportunity, you can also get the same break on your Purgatory sentence if you pray at places of worship dedicated to the Madonna of Lourdes from February 2-11. And if you're too sick to make it to your local shrine, you can petition for a special exception to get the plenary indulgence from your bed.

I LOVE this pope! He's so darn Roman Catholic!

I wonder if Madonna can get a deal for naming her daughter Lourdes??

"The doctrine of repentance has been utterly corrupted by the Pope and his adherents. For they teach that sins are remitted because of the worth of our works. Then they bid us doubt whether the remission takes place. They nowhere teach that sins are remitted freely for Christ's sake, and that by this faith we obtain remission of sins.

Thus they obscure the glory of Christ, and deprive consciences of firm consolation, and abolish true divine services, namely, the exercises of faith struggling with [unbelief and] despair [concerning the promise of the Gospel].

They have obscured the doctrine concerning sin, and have invented a tradition concerning the enumeration of offenses, producing many errors and despair.

They have devised, in addition, satisfactions, whereby they have also obscured the benefit [and merit] of Christ.

From these, indulgences have been born, which are pure lies, fabricated for the sake of gain."

(Treatise on the Power and Primacy of the Pope, paragraphs 44-46)