Anan's (not-so) Randomness!

No quotation marks... We wouldn't want to seem too uppity, now would we?


Best Friends

Posted On: February 28th, 2008 at 1:48 pm

(I've been struggling with this for more than a year so I'm going to try to "think-out-loud" about it here. If I step over any lines someone should yell at me.)

I will call this friend Jo, though that isn't her first name or what she goes by.

Jo and I were best friends our whole lives. I can't exactly place when this friendship really broke off. Maybe fall 2006 or right after I joined MH.

When we were babies she sucked on my head. This obviously means that she liked me. Right? Blogger Smiley As we grew up our families went  on camping trips together. We shared many a silly song and game around the campfire. She was the one I would walk down the beach with, and when we first arrived at the beach we would race each other to the water and dive in. (I usually lost, though I wouldn't admit it at the time)

When I visited her house we would catch toads, name them, love them, and set them free. Or we would build little grass huts for stick dolls. Her yard always had longer grass than mine because my Mom was/is obsessed with mowing the lawn. Sometimes we would go exploring. We all really believed that certain sandy patches of soil were quick sand. There was a large fallen tree over a patch of Lilly of the Valley. (These flowers were often gathered and put in little vases under the icon of the Virgin Mary in their living room.) We would use the tree as our wolf den. Erik would participate in the wolf game on occasion, while Jo's older brother played the hunter or something like that. Sometimes we were all indians! Oh their poor neighbors...  When we were feeling more docile there were always Beanie Babies! We would find the poor dears where they had been stranded in the wilderness and nurse them back to health. When inside we spent hours dressing up as "crazy ladies" and "Mrs. Piggle Wiggle". Mrs. Piggle Wiggle would critisize our bed making skills and the way we organized nick-knacks on the shelves.

At my house we played many other variations of the Beanie Baby game. My favorite was when the dog catcher would come and steal them and we got to free them by breaking locks/figuring out the combinations. When our Dad dug out the basement (By hand mind you!... ) there was a fantastic dirt pile in the back yard so we would go sledding on it! We built gigantic castles (or so they seemed at the time). At one point we had a really cool puddle where we could attempt to transplant pond plants and frogs. When that didn't work we would use it as the built-in mud hole so we could play spa! Yay! Aside from dirt there was lots of sticks, bark, and vines. We made countless secret forts intending all the while to play war. (We never got to the the wars...) For a year or so there was an abundance of swinging vines because Dad went through the woods and cut them all at the ground so they would die. We had a wonderful time trying to break our necks. When there weren't vines we always had the see-saw log. *sigh*

In more recent years we counted all the different kinds of fungus we could find. The only thing more fun than that was sitting on the log in the middle of the pond and looking for the critters therein. Leeches were the best discovery we ever made. It's so very thrilling to wait for hours and then scream when you finally see one. I spent several birthdays that way.

This was all a blast... But Jo is Roman Catholic and I'm Lutheran (duh). This was never a problem untill I joined MH. You see... I started talking with a lot of Lutherans, and I started acting more Lutheran. I listened to Country Music, and I started wearing flared jeans that fit! This all may seem very silly but they were actual issues. I was blissfully oblivious to any changes in Jo's behavior for quite a while. I think I got the first vibes on one of our camping trips. I won't go into details.

Long story short: Now I get along better with her older brother than with her! "Older Brother" and I are supposed to be sworn enemies. Oops. When he comes over to hang out with Erik he always sticks his head in my door and says "hi" with a big grin on his face. Last time Jo was here she didn't even ask if I was at home. It would seem that we aren't compatible beyond Beanie Babies and mud.

Quite a few of the heirlooms in my room are heirlooms because they have to do with my relationship with Jo. I have an instinct to get a box and pack them all up. Is that just silly? I'm inclined to think it is. Pasto' might say that I should keep them because those were times I enjoyed with Jo. I doubt I'll get rid of them now but I don't think that I'll keep them forever either. It seems to me that I should let go just a leetle bit.

Hmm... There's a ton more that I could say, but I don't want to think about it too hard... Blogger Smiley Something that has helped me alot in this situation (besides talking to Pastor Stuckwisch) is Pastor Borghardt's article on Forgiving the Unforgivables. It felt like he had been reading my thoughts or something creepy like that. What's especially sad for me is that Jo wasn't an enemy she was my BEST FRIEND and I feel dreadful about getting so upset with her. I could try to figure out what a real best friend would be but I don't have the brain power right now.

Oh and "Older Brother" now listens to Country. I hear that Jo hates it. That's rather telling. I think Older Brother deserves a Random CD for that.



Edited on: February 28th, 2008 1:50 pm


Comments:


Re: Best Friends

Posted On: February 28th, 2008 at 4:07 pm by Denim
I am disposed to ask, what are the chances of Jo or Older Brother or any of their family members reading this blog?

I have personally run into a direct analogy of your proposed Jo box, or box of heirlooms as it were, and I advise you to make the box if feel inclined... but put it someplace safe. You will regret throwing it away.

Re: Best Friends

Posted On: February 28th, 2008 at 6:42 pm by luvable lutheran
I have a best friend that is thinking of leaving the Lutheran religion for another Protestant denomination. It pains me to think that she would give up Christ's gifts for a more worldy view.

I'm debating whether to share in an honest and loving way that it deeply disappoints me. I'm thinking about suggesting that she attend a class on the Lutheran faith (ie catechism-she was catechized in another Lutheran denomination) and decide if she believes what the Lutheran faith teaches. If not, do the same for the other denomination.

I'm afraid if I speak up, I might lose a friend forever and have to deal with some of the effects you describe of a lost friendship. I am NOT willing to give up my faith nor affirm that the religion she is considering is valid. She has taken upon a more post modern view and my firmness is and probably will be perceived as judgmental. I wish I had the easy answer to both our issues.

Re: Best Friends

Posted On: February 28th, 2008 at 7:43 pm by Anan
I am disposed to ask, what are the chances of Jo or Older Brother or any of their family members reading this blog?

I have personally run into a direct analogy of your proposed Jo box, or box of heirlooms as it were, and I advise you to make the box if feel inclined... but put it someplace safe. You will regret throwing it away.


Well I really don't know what the chances are... But you see, I already wrote Jo a three page letter which told her all my thoughts on this issue, and I added a healthy dose of forgiveness. Since I tried to shed a positive light on the whole thing in this blog post there couldn't possibly be anything more shocking than what I said in that letter.

"direct analogy of your proposed Jo box" Hmmm... *raises eyebrows* Maybe I'll use my brief moment of official free time this weekend to compile such a box.

Re: Best Friends

Posted On: February 29th, 2008 at 11:21 am by sarahlaughs
Though I can't *know* how you feel fully, I can relate to a certain extent. Snap and I once had some very good friends who were baptist homeschoolers. We also did everything together. We begged our mothers on our knees to let us have a sleepover pretty much every time we saw each other. Together we created elaborate fantasies and shared our most secret secrets. We even fought over doctrine like baptism and still stayed close friends.
But suddenly something changed. I still can't figure out what it was. When we were about 12years old, bang! everthing was different. These girls stopped talking to us, wouldn't even look at us when we walked past. When we try to start a conversation it is as if they have never met us before. I guess we just aren't cool enough; we don't buy the latest styles, dye our hair, paint our nails - I'm not even sure what else we don't do that makes us "out".
It truly hurts, but I still cherish the memories of the fun we shared when we were younger. I remember them as they were - not as they are.
I guess if I were in your place I would still keep your heirlooms. They were a significant part of your life and your heart even if situations have changed.

And yes....Pastor Borghardt has this uncanny quality of seeming to speak directly to the things that are bothering me. It is somewhat startling. Blogger Smiley

By the way, just for the record, I am TERRIBLY SORRY I didn't read your blog yesterday and wednesday. I am on my knees in repentance and contrition under loads of sackcloth and ashes. I begged Erik to intercede for me - I hope he did. I crave your pardon for this offense....

Re: Best Friends

Posted On: March 01st, 2008 at 10:58 am by Heidi
I haven't completely lost my best friend who I've known pretty much since birth, but we have definitely drifted apart in recent years and I know how much it hurts.

There are a couple stages to grieving with "things" (like your box of stuff). Go ahead and keep the box as long as you want to. Don't be surprised if someday you decide you don't need those things anymore. In my family we all have a bin of our own random stuff. Every once in awhile we go through our possessions there, add more, and realize there are some we're ready to let go of.

Re: Best Friends

Posted On: March 04th, 2008 at 4:07 pm by Anan
Though I can't *know* how you feel fully, I can relate to a certain extent. Snap and I once had some very good friends who were baptist homeschoolers. We also did everything together. We begged our mothers on our knees to let us have a sleepover pretty much every time we saw each other. Together we created elaborate fantasies and shared our most secret secrets. We even fought over doctrine like baptism and still stayed close friends.
But suddenly something changed. I still can't figure out what it was. When we were about 12years old, bang! everthing was different. These girls stopped talking to us, wouldn't even look at us when we walked past. When we try to start a conversation it is as if they have never met us before. I guess we just aren't cool enough; we don't buy the latest styles, dye our hair, paint our nails - I'm not even sure what else we don't do that makes us "out".
It truly hurts, but I still cherish the memories of the fun we shared when we were younger. I remember them as they were - not as they are.
I guess if I were in your place I would still keep your heirlooms. They were a significant part of your life and your heart even if situations have changed.

And yes....Pastor Borghardt has this uncanny quality of seeming to speak directly to the things that are bothering me. It is somewhat startling. Blogger Smiley

By the way, just for the record, I am TERRIBLY SORRY I didn't read your blog yesterday and wednesday. I am on my knees in repentance and contrition under loads of sackcloth and ashes. I begged Erik to intercede for me - I hope he did. I crave your pardon for this offense....


They didn't like you any more because you were just too beautiful. Hmph.

Re: Best Friends

Posted On: March 04th, 2008 at 4:34 pm by sarahlaughs
Hmpphhh!!!!

LOL! Thanks for the compliment! but I can't really accept it beyond saying that any beauty in me isn't mine but Christ's. I'm a grimy, nasty, gritty, creature - not at all pleasant to look at - on my own. Blogger Smiley

Re: Best Friends

Posted On: March 06th, 2008 at 7:43 am by Mrs. E.
Hi Anna,
I used to really mourn the BFF friendships that came and went. How could we be blood brothers ( sisters...) and then drift apart?

Then I started to realize that we have certain friendships at certain times in our lives for certain reasons. ( I am so deep!).

I heard a quote last week that was something along the lines of "I spent the first half of my life getting control and the second half learning to let go." I can see that applies to children growing up, but also to other things, like friendships.
If that friendship made you smile and helped you grow, then look at it that way and enjoy the happy memories.


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