Rev. Cwirla's Blogosphere

I don’t quite understand it, but these days I seem happier with a trowel or circular saw in my hand than even a good book.  Perhaps it has to do with growing up on the south side of Chicago under a father who generally didn’t let others touch his house, and when they did, it was under his close supervision.  Perhaps it’s my personal ship to Tarshish in an attempt to evade the less than happy elements of my vocation without having to travel to Spain and get thrown overboard and swallowed by a big fish.  Or maybe it’s just the way I was wired by God in my mother’s womb.  I’m a solitary craftsman-artisan type, which means that I am generally happier keeping company with a reciprocating saw than with most people.  Wood may kick back, but it doesn’t talk back.  I probably should have taken shop classes in high school but they insisted I take AP Calculus and Chemistry.

I bought a house seven years ago.  Since then, I’ve become the consummate weekend warrior, or in my case Monday morning warrior since I work weekends, at least sort of.  It all started with a “Honey, let’s paint the kitchen” project seven years ago and has grown into a Bermuda Triangle of home makeover projects.  I’ve replaced the windows, refinished floors, upgraded electrical panels, added subpanels and rewired circuits, installed miles of crown molding, baseboard and shoe, designed my own window trim, plastered and painted my wife’s elaborate two-color schemes.  My current obsession, ie project, is the removal of some dingy wood paneling from the living room and the replacement of the last of the bad quick-sell realtor carpeting with 400 square feet of white oak narrow strip flooring.  Pray for me.



Over the years, I’ve developed a list of principles for home improvement, a kind of Sun Tzu for the weekend warrior.  Here they are in no particular order.


1.    Know the strength of your marriage.

Home improvement can be a real home wrecker in more ways than one.  Nothing raises family tensions faster than three days without hot water or having to go to the neighbors to wash the clothes.  I’m blessed with having a wife who is a Kansas farm girl who isn’t afraid to rough it in her own home.  She also looks great in a tool belt, which is an added incentive.

2.    Work one trade at a time.

Wet plaster and electricity just don’t mix, so don’t even try.  The various tools of the trades are different, as are the tasks.  Let the electrician finish his work before you bring in the trim carpenter and the plumber.  And clean up between tasks.  No one wants to trip over a stray circular saw or sand on bits of copper wire.

3.    Everything takes three times as long as you think it will and winds up costing twice as much.

Rome wasn’t built in a day.  Neither was the living room floor or that terrazzo lined shower.  Plan on burning vacation time, evening time, and whatever other “free time” you think you have if you want to have the living room in good shape for company by next Christmas.   It’s the same with cost.  Weekend warriors waste more than do the pros.  We also pay retail for materials.

Here, the pessimist has a decided advantage over the optimist.  If you assume the worst going in, it can only get better.  I do the same with medical problems.  On the other hand, if you hope for the best, you are sure to be disappointed.

4.    Pros make mistakes too.

They never show the out-takes of This Old House.  For good reason.  I once thought of a reality TV show which consisted of home improvement projects gone bad.  Now that the appeals court has ruled against the FCC’s censure of incidental profanity, this concept seems more workable than ever.

Learn to laugh at your own ineptitude.  Not all mistakes are bad.  If they aren’t structural or otherwise hazardous to life and limb, they can be classified as “character.”  Think about it.  Someone will look at your slightly crooked tile job and say, “Was the tile guy drunk or what?”  To which you say, “Oh, it was late at night and it was the first time I hung terrazzo.”  Your guests will look as though you had just turned water into wine.

Unfortunately our modern eyes are accustomed to gaze at machine made fakery, just as our ears are tuned to hear music crammed through speakers and our tongues are tickled by fake flavorings.  I once read of a craftsman who uses traditional Japanese carpentry tools techniques.  He said there is always a little blood stain somewhere on his work that he forgets to sand out reminding everyone that this is genuine hand work.  Remember, God, the Master Craftsman, made everything “very good” not perfect.  Perfect belongs to Plato and exists only in the imagination.  I have yet to see a perfect piece of wood, though I’ve seen many that were very good.

5.    Every project takes at least three trips to the hardware store; four if it’s plumbing.

Trips to the hardware store are the functional substitute for a truck load of parts and warehouse full of supplies.  I’ve done enough electrical to have a decent supply of j-boxes, fittings, wire nuts, conduit, connectors, and devices for most any household project.  Plumbing is all about parts for which you are missing one.  Professional plumbers have lots of spare parts.  Even Oscar, the master plumber who did my copper repipe had to make a couple of trips to the hardware store.  (No, I didn’t attempt that one!).

6.    Tools, skill, and experience make for a job well done.

Tools are no substitute for skill and experience, but they sure help.  Part of the savings of doing it yourself has to be plowed into tools. Hint for tool junkies:  Any project can be used an excuse to boost your tool arsenal.  “Really, honey, the job would go so much easier if I had that 3 hp Delta Unisaw I was telling you about.”  This works ninety percent of the time.   Reinforce the concept after the project is done by saying, “It would have taken three times as long without it.”

I've never understood the phrase, "Let the tool do the work."  If the tool could do the work, I could crack a beer, put up my feet, and watch the tool do the work.  I think it means something like "Don't force it," but that's a matter of skill.

Skill comes with practice.  Muscle memory is gained by repetition, as are repetitive motion injuries.  Don’t try a new procedure on some rare, one of a kind piece or you will be out a rare, one of a kind piece.  It's just like getting to Carnegie Hall:  practice, practice, practice.

Experience.  There’s no short cut there.  Don’t expect your first of anything to come out with an A grade.  Settle for a B+.  Even a B- is praiseworthy.  There is nothing like a master workman with 30 years experience.  I’m thinking of Fred, the guy who laid our kitchen floor, who never looked like he was working, but managed to complete an intricate floor layout in three days without breaking a sweat.  I broke a sweat just watching him.  Guys like that are a joy to watch, and their work is a thrill to behold.  I remember Fred sitting on a 5 gallon bucket taking a break cleaning his trowel with a little file.  Even on break, he was a master, completely at one with tool and task.  Unless you do this for a living, you won’t get there quickly if at all.  We call that "vocation" in Lutheran circles.  Weekend warriors are jacks of all trades and masters of none.  What you lack in experience, you make up for in passion because it’s your house, not to mention a certain reckless stupidity reminiscent of people in love.  Professionals work for money; amateurs do it for love, and love keeps no record of wrongs.

7.    Measure twice, cut once; better still, don’t measure at all.

The key to success is “cut to fit.”  Measuring rarely works, since the two sides of the brain don’t seem to cooperate, at least in my own head.  Sneaking up on a cut is an old finish carpenter’s trick.  Better too long than too short.  Great hints for eyeballing:  A standard circular blade is 1/8” thick; the teeth on a cross-cut blade stick out about 1/32”.    My hand span is 8 inches; two hands are 16 inches, the normal stud spacing in a wall.  A little Pythagoras goes a long way in the layout department:  3-4-5 makes a right triangle.  And remember, you’re working on a house, not the space shuttle.

8.    Do your research.

I like to have a good book covering the kind of work I’m doing, especially if I’ve never done it before.  The Home Depot “Orange Book” is amazingly helpful.  I wouldn’t use it as my only resource, but it’s a great place to start.  Here are some good books I’ve acquired along the way:

Rex Cauldwell.  Wiring a House.  The Taunton Press, 2002.
This is a great book that covers everything from ground to low voltage lighting.  I especially like his “above the Code” approach to craftsmanship. 

Do not attempt any serious electrical project without a current copy of the National Electrical Code (NEC) and a visit to your local building inspector, if necessary.  The Pocket Guide to Electrical Installations for Residential  (National Fire Protection Agency) is all you need to know from the NEC for home electrical, unless you really want to know about stadium lighting and high voltage transformers.

Craig Savage.  Trim Carpentry Techniques.  The Taunton Press, 1998.
From plinth to paneling, this book has you covered from floor to ceiling.

Myron R. Ferguson.  Drywall.  The Taunton Press, 2002.
If you don’t know the difference between setting and drying compound, you need this book.  Very handy.

Scott McBride.  Windows and Doors.  The Taunton Press, 2002.
Step by step approach to doing it right.

Peter Hemp.  Plumbing a House.  The Taunton Press, 1998.
Everything you need to know about plumbing.

Rex Cauldwell.  Inspecting a House.  The Taunton Press, 2001.
A must for any home owner, even if you don’t do your own work.

Don Bollinger.  Hardwood Floors - Laying, Sanding, and Finishing.  The Taunton Press, 1990.
This book will get you through it, but not without pain.

In case you haven’t noticed, the Taunton Press rules when it comes to this sort of thing. They are the publishers of Fine Homebuilding, a great magazine for the serious weekend warrior.

9.    Park your ego at the door.

Don’t hesitate to ask dumb questions.  You’re not the first one to ask, nor will you be the last.  Besides, if you have to ask, you are actually ignorant, so you may as well embrace it.  Some suppliers seem to despise weekend warriors and refuse even to grunt in their general direction much less talk to them; others are quite helpful.  I have two electrical supply houses in my area.  One gives me that petulant sigh and exaggerated roll of the eyes whenever I ask “Can you connect this thingamajig to a whachamacallit?”  The other sits down and explains the physics of what I’m trying to do along with the options available.  Guess where I spend my money?  As long as I’m on the subject of suppliers, forget the big box outfits like Lowes or Home Depot except for regular stuff like screws, nails, wire, and joint compound.  Go to a decent lumber yard and support your local hardware store, whose aisles are usually staffed with people who know a thing or two and like to give out advice.

10.    Keep moving forward.

Pros rarely tear out and start over.  They learn to work through mistakes and correct them along the way.  When the mistake is cosmetic, call it “character,” and put a rug or a picture over it.  On the other hand, know when to stop and throw the gears in reverse.  Mistakes have a tendency to compound themselves.  A poor fitting strip of wood floor results in 12 rows of poor fitting strips as the error is telegraphed infallibly from row to row. Better to stop, tear out the offending piece, cut your losses, and start over.  The trick is not to loose forward momentum, like Walter Peyton, the great running back of the mighty Chicago Bears.  One step back, two steps forward, touchdown.

11.    Safety first.

Safety glasses (I prefer the bifocal kind.  The wrap around sunglasses type are great when going back and forth from bright outdoors to dark indoors.  They look cool, too).  Dust mask.  I like the face mask variety with the pink screw on filters for serious dust protection.  Some of that dust from this old house contains asbestos, lead, and other nasties.  Wear ear plugs (rock music has already done enough damage, thank you).  Know where your fingers are at all times.  That goes for live wires too.  Don’t make tools do what they weren’t designed to do.  Surprisingly, most serious injuries with power tools are with pros who have grown complacent about safety.


12.    Know your limitations.

Some people should not pick up more than a screw driver or a pair of pliers.  Electricity can kill you and burn the house down.  Bad plumbing can make an unbelievably expensive mess.  Poor carpentry is an automatic do-over and a potential disaster.  You can live with a slightly crooked course of tiles or a less than perfect paint job.  When in doubt, hire a pro.  There are three ways to wreck a house:  faulty electrical, leaky plumbing, shoddy construction.  You have been forewarned.

13.    Know when to call it a day.

Mistakes and injuries usually happen late in the day when you are tired.  Better to hang it up than push.  Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing always comes in the morning.  The light is better too.

14.    There is life outside of home improvement. 

Pursue it, lest the house become an idol.  Never let a project interfere with worship, family, or friends.  Don’t forget to cut the grass and feed the dog.  With the Lord begin each task.

15.    Dust happens.

Embrace the mess.  Being overly clean can lead to as many problems as being too messy.  Confining the mess is best.  The ShopVac is your friend; it even looks like R2D2.  Check out the vacuum method for sanding dry wall.  It’s great and almost dustless.  Note that I said “almost.”

16.    Before construction, there must always be destruction.

For some, this is actually the most fun.  I’m told that the greatest thrill is demolishing an old cast iron bathtub with a sledge hammer.  Wrecking walls is great good fun too.  Remember the “Tawanda” scene in the movie Fried Green Tomatoes?  Wall destruction is a great outlet for pent up frustration.  Wear a good dust mask and safety glasses at all times.  And please don’t dump the whole mess on the curb at one time for the garbage man to pick up without prior arrangement.  It’s rude.  Weekend warriors live by a code of honor.

17.    He who hesitates, messes up; he who is hasty, really messes up.

Hesitation, in war and in home improvement, spells disaster.  Tools, like weapons, need to be mastered with a firm, confident hand.  On the other hand, charging ahead without a plan is a recipe for failure.  Stop, think, plan, gird your loins, and boldly go where no man has gone before.

18.    Enjoy the journey.

Every project is a potential adventure of misaligned framing, out of code electrical, leaky plumbing, carpenter ants, and termites.  Walls are rarely plumb and square, especially in earthquake country where I live.  Learn to love surprises and the various evidences of living in a fallen cosmos, not to mention a sinking foundation.  The journey will take you to unknown destinations and many great adventures.


19.    Every job is 80% preparation, 20% perspiration. 

This is true everywhere except in Houston and St. Louis during the summer, in which case the numbers are reversed.  A big mistake many people make when painting is they think rolling on the paint is the main event.  They are all excited about putting that weird shade of “eggplant” on the wall.  (Is eggplant really a color?)  Painting is the reward for painstaking preparation which includes surface repair, sanding, priming, and a very stiff neck, if you are doing ceilings.  Smearing on the paint is the reward.

20.    Beer and power tools just don’t mix.