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The views represented on this blog are not necessarily those of Higher Things, nor does Higher Things necessarily endorse them.
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Posted At: 5:19pm by Rev. William M. Cwirla
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I decided we needed a fun fallacy for Logical Fallacies Friday - Amphiboly. I really like the sound of that word. Am-phib-o-ly. It comes from the Greek amphibolia which means something that is indeterminate. It’s a “fallacy of ambiguity” resulting from a word that means more than one thing or from poor sentence structure that leaves participles dangling and pronouns hanging. The sign in the bathroom reads: “Save water and waste paper.” Well, I was only planning to use a couple of sheets, but seeing the sign, I did my patriotic duty and emptied the whole roll. Didn’t flush, though.
Amphibolies leave us scratching our heads and wondering exactly where the thought went wrong. When we hear that a panda “eats shoots and leaves” we’re not sure whether to marvel at the panda's sturdy digestive system or run for cover before the bullets fly. Amphibolies are a stock in trade in comedy, such as Abbott & Costello’s classic “Who’s on First?” routine.
Amphiboly revels in ambiguity. The Greek historian Herodotus tells of King Crosius of Lyda who made inquiry of the Oracle at Delphi concering his military campaign against the Persian King Cyrus. The Oracle informed Crosius that if he went to battle against the Persians, “he would destroy a great empire.” What the king didn’t realize was that the empire he would destroy would be his own!1 Watch out for those oracles! Ambiguity is what keeps the paying customers coming. Just ask the Psychic Hotline.
Shakespeare, in his Henry VI, has this famous amphiboly: “The duke yet lives that Henry shall depose.” Is it the duke who will depose Henry, or will Henry depose the duke? Inquisitive rulers need to know.
Puns work by amphiboly. Here in Los Angeles, our first-place Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim have an ace starting pitcher named Bartolo Colon, whose last name is pronounced like the word “cologne.” Of course, this gives rise to some delightfully amphibolous headlines in the sports section such as, “Colon Gives Up Early Runs” (happened to me once on a trip to Cancun) or “Colon Yanked in 4th Inning” (Yikes, and you thought a colonoscopy was bad).
News headlines are marvelous sources of amphiboly, since headlines always try to say too much with too few words:
“Volunteers Needed to Help Torture Survivors”
Go ahead, kick ‘em when they’re down.
“Teacher Strikes Idle Kids”
That’s one way to deal with lazy students.
“College Students Turning to Vegetables”
Dad always said I had the IQ of broccoli.
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant”
It’s a lot cheaper than a jury trial.
Classified ads are another mother lode of amphiboly, which Jay Leno often mines. Two lines, four days for five bucks don't always get the point across clearly. For example:
“FOR SALE - Complete Solar System - works well & efficiently. Used only 8 months. Reduced to $15,000.” (From "The Fallacy Files")
Hey, if it includes Pluto and that new planet, I'd consider it a bargain at the price!
"FOR SALE: Car driven by elderly lady with new body and spare tire.”
I wonder if her transmission is any good.
“DOG FOR SALE. Eats anything. Especially fond of children.”
I don’t think that’s what they had in mind when they invented “Kibbles & Bits.”
Street signs can suffer from a case of amphiboly because they tend not to use punctuation. That’s how we get such signs as: “Slow Children Crossing.” (The speedier ones go around the block, I guess.)
Overworked church secretaries and inattentive pastor-proofreaders are always good for the amphibolous “bulletin blooper” to keep you entertained on a slow Sunday:
“The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.”
Hopefully the economy will take an upswing by the end of the year.
“For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.”
You might also want to tell your current wife.
The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
Yes, I hear that one a lot.
The world of politics remains one of the world's richest storehouses of amphiboly. Politicians simply can’t help themselves but say things like: “Women prefer Democrats to men” (Tony Coelho, Congressman from California, quoted in Copi & Cohen, 11th ed. p. 165) I don’t know whether to be amused or appalled.
No discussion of amphiboly would be complete without a few gems from the most amphibolous president in US history: George W. Bush. When it comes to amphiboly, our esteemed President holds a 3rd degree black belt. For the sake of brevity, I must limit myself to four:
"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB/GYN's aren't able to practice their love with women all across the country."—Sept. 6, 2004, Poplar Bluff, Mo.
That’s the last time I let my wife go to the doctor alone.
"That's why I went to the Congress last September and proposed fundamental—supplemental funding, which is money for armor and body parts and ammunition and fuel."—Erie, Pa., Sept. 4, 2004
Perhaps the military needs to do a bit more R&D on that armor and ammunition.
"It's in our country's interests to find those who would do harm to us and get them out of harm's way."—Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005
No wonder we can’t find Bin Laden!
"I didn't join the International Criminal Court because I don't want to put our troops in the hands of prosecutors from other nations. Look, if somebody has done some wrong in our military, we'll take care of it. We got plenty of capability of dealing with justice."—Niceville, Fla., Aug. 10, 2004
I’ll bet we do! (From “The Complete Bushisms”)
The way to deal with amphiboly is to identify the ambiguous word or phrase that causes the sentence to veer off like a wayward rocket. But then, that would take all the fun out of it. Usually the best thing is to have a good laugh over how our words sometimes don't work out quite the way we intended, as when we read that "Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge" or "Kids Make Nutritious Snacks" or "Blind Bishop is Appointed to See" (From "Headline Humor").
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Posted On: October 01st, 2005 at 4:10pm by Rick Ritchie [ + ] |
The Bush ones are particularly funny.
The one I remember is "If you think our waitresses are rude, you should see our manager."
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Posted On: October 01st, 2005 at 4:12pm by Rick Ritchie [ + ] |
And here I allow ambiguity into my comment. The second line above should probably begin, "The amphiboly example I remember is..." That wasn't a George W. amphiboly about the waitresses.
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Posted On: October 01st, 2005 at 7:17pm by revcwirla |
A double amphiboloy! Well done, thou good and faithful servant!
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Posted On: October 21st, 2005 at 2:51pm by Paula |
Your fallacy Fridays are such a great way to introduce fallacies to those who wish to think critically. We are using them in our home school and our debate class. Thanks for making them entertaining and fun! Amphiboly is such a fun word to say -- so much better than equivication which sounds snooty.
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Posted On: August 29th, 2006 at 10:32am by John |
One of my favorite purposeful examples for a job reference you are not too keen on but want to legally cover yourself..."You would be lucky if you could get Bob to work at your organization"
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